Oh, Inverted World

A knock on my door aroused me from my semi-conscious presleep state. Rolling over carefully in my top bunk, i heard voices inside my room.
"Where is the light switch? Is anyone in here?"
"It's right there, by the safe."
"Oh, i guess that's where it is in every single one of these rooms."
I sat up in bed, eyes adjusting to the sleep-depriving fluorescent lights. Two overweight cops of different race stood in the middle of my dorm, staring at me. I'm sure my apparent nakedness didnt help the awkwardness of the situation.
"Is this your room?"
Wow, did he really just ask me that? Maybe things are really technical for cops, but my logic assumes that a guy asleep by himself in a guys dorm on the top bunk (that is really the kicker. no one decides to fall asleep on a top bunk.) is in his room. Nevertheless, i began the charade of easy going cooperation and understanding.
"Yes sir it is."
"So this is your phone?"
"Well, it's my rommates, but it belongs to this room if thats what you mean" (it is plugged into the wall after all)
"OK, well we are with public safety, and we got a complaint about a harassing phone call coming from this number. So we checked the computer and it looked liek you guys had been placing quite a few calls. Do you know what this is all about?"
"Yes sir i do."

Let me rewind an hour or so. I am in the bathroom brushign my teeth when schoen rushes through the hall saying its time for some prank calls using the ole Judge Judy sound board on Ebaumsworld (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/judgejudy.html). You know the drill, we call a random campus extension, then use the various judge judy soundclips t ocarry on a conversation with the person via speakerphone. Quite ingenious really. We had people telling us their names ages, whether or not they were on rpescription medication. We threatened to kill ourself and had a girl ask if she could help...oh man, good times. That's it, nothing harassing or malicious. Ok, back to Tubby and Chubby talking to me in my dorm.

"We made some prank phone calls using this judge judy soundboard."
"Like one of the ones on Ebaumsworld?" (ok, these cops have totally done this before, what punks.)
"Yeah, actually that is excactly what it was."
"Now thats pretty funny kid, but let me just give you a piece of advice, i'm not tryin to be your dad or anything, but if you really want to meet girls, just go talk to them, you don;t have to make weird phone calls buddy."

Hold up, is this guy for real? This 5' 6", 250 pound white guy who hasn't gotten a date since his football coach set him with one of the girls on the shot-put team is giving me dating advice in the middle of the night? Not only that, but he really thinks that these prank calls were our attempt to meet girls. Hello, it is hilarious buddy! I about lost it right here and told him to get out of my room and write me up for a code of conduct violation. Fortunately they just took my name (as well as the other guys involved) and other information and told me that,
"If i have to come up here again tonight, i won't be a very happy person."

The only thing that chucko wouldnt be happy about is the 3 flights of stairs leading up to our dorm. Missing his favorite late-night infomercials might also be rough. Those gusy just wasted 15 mintues of my sleep because some insecure girl got spooked by Judge Judy hurling insults at her over the phone. Welcome to my world.